I feel I should begin with a warning- this is my first blog so hang in there with me. I want to touch on the trials of a stay at home working mom, being a new parent in general, and maintaining sanity in a world of comparison.
I started Lantana Made two and a half years ago. It was my first baby; I poured my heart into learning how to run a business as well as honing my leather craft at the same time. (Which I am still doing, I don’t think I will ever be done learning how to make a better product) A huge push behind becoming my own boss was the importance of staying home with my future children. It was the way Evan and I had always wanted to raise kids. Our dream of waking up in the morning with the birds singing and the sun rising on the beautiful ranch we called home. Our baby waking all chipper ready to start the day and after a bath we go out the leather shop. Where she would happily play in her corner while I knocked beautiful leather bags out one right after the next. Sounds realistic right? WRONG.
It did not take us long to realize the best way to see Gods sense of humor was to tell him your plans. You see I had this view of what motherhood was going to look like for me. It was perfect! I had planned, I was prepared, my business was thriving, and it was time to make our family a party of three. I thought what better way to raise a baby and still press on towards my goals than to be a stay at home working mom. Breast-feeding would be a breeze.
Evie was born with nasal passages that were barely open which it made it impossible for her to feed in any position breast-feeding required. Trust me, we tried them all. And consulted with a specialist. So, it was on to the pump, which I swear was invented by the devil himself. After a month of being hooked up like a dairy cow for what seemed like a lifetime. I decided for my sanity and her well being we needed to start the switch to the F word- Formula. I felt like huge failure. After all, breast is best right? It was soon after the switch we realized Evie had a milk protein allergy. Which explained why she had been a very colicky baby since birth. Along with her nose issues that made it hard for her breath she also had a pretty consistent bellyache. We tried one hypoallergenic formula after the next until we finally landed on one that agrees with her and she is thriving!
Evie is almost five months old now doing great! Her nose is functioning normally and she has the biggest personality I have ever seen. I am finally to a place in motherhood where getting a bottle out and shaking in public does not embarrass me in the slightest. Even when a stranger asked me if she if she is breast-fed while I am shaking it. That’s when I just casually take my thumb off the nipple let it spray them a little and say with a smile, “No ma’am, she isn’t”. It is honestly crazy how many people seemed to think it is their business as to how children get food into their bellies. I no longer feel the need to explain our situation. I am proud to be doing the best I can for my baby. And now realize “Fed is Best”.
We are in my leather shop every weekday as well as some hours on the weekends. Some days I get more done than others. It has been a challenge to feel like I am letting my business slip. With prayers I feel like God has given me the peace and understanding that the first few years of Evie’s life are ones that I will never get back. It is ok that completing orders takes me quite a bit longer than before. It took me a little bit to get to this frame of mind. The way my self worth has always worked in my mind is how much I have completed that day. Can I lay my head down on the pillow and be proud of my accomplishments? Anyone who has a baby can tell you, at the end of any given day your house very well may look like it was hit by a F5 tornado and you are doing fantastic if you feed your husband a box pizza for dinner. It gets easier! Your life will fall into a new sense of normal. So hang in their new moms! You’ve got this! And you are doing great!
Stop comparing! Stay in your lane! I literally tell myself these things weekly. Every one has there own sack of rocks. No matter how perfect and put together that sack of rock looks like on social media it is STILL a sack of rocks. Be proud of your own world. Do not let your life slip by while you were looking through the screen. Love yourself and accepted the new you. Enjoy rocking your baby to sleep trust me they we grow out of wanting to be rocked.
If you made it to the end of this thank you for reading! Sometimes motherhood can feel lonely. It so doesn’t have to be that way. Reach out to one another and build each other up. A kind word goes such a long way. And you never know when someone might really need to hear it.